Evil Dead (Remake)
Todays delightful delirium is Evil Dead. Yup, its the remake.
If you loved the original you’ll love this one- as long as you aren’t hung up on the fact that it is isn’t a step by step re make of the original- though technically this would be the third remake. But I digress.
If you are an OG fan, you will not be disappointed, there is plenty of blood and gore to go around.
So we begin our tawdry tale with bloodthirsty hill billys and a voodoo Adams Family style grandmother. They’re absconding with a young girl, whisking her away to a dark basement. Hey whats that your pouring over her head? I hope thats apple juice.
(SPOILER ALERT) Looks like our would be killers are actually deadite hunters and they caught a fresh one. They must purify the spirit with fire, but just for extra assurance, they’re goanna blow off her head.
Awesome opening sequence
Now we meet the doomed to be, twenty something’s, who are talking a relaxing trip into the woods with their drug addict friend.
Now, here is a good example of things not to do woods-
-Don’t camp in a dilapidated abandoned cabin to detox your friend.
-Don’t be miles away from the nearest hospital, even if you have friend whos a nurse, they know just enough to make things worse.
-Dont think you wont need police or outside support of some kind, even if they are useless in a deadite scenario.
Looks like coming off heroin ain’t pretty- but neither are the undead.
“Woah, whats that gross rotting smell in the cabin?” our out patient says.
“No no, don’t worry,” reply her friends. “Your just detoxing.”
“Oh wait, whats up with this trap door with blood draggings leading to it? I don’t know. Lets go down and check it out.
Oh hey, a basement full of awful dead things.”
Now at this point I’d be like of hell no ill see you guys back in the city, but no, our Ash wanna be is trying to clean it up.
So, what does the nerdy glasses wearing guy find? A Book! And this looks like a good one. It’s not only wrapped in f*ing barbed wire, its got a lovely human flesh book cover, and scribblings on every page telling you to leave the book alone.
No glasses! Don’t do it! I know its a book but you don’t have to read it! Don’t feed into the stereotype. Well, since you wont be stopped, its pretty handy that someone translated everything into bloody english. (Literally bloody)
Crazy detox girl can’t take it any more- Can’t say as I blame her. So she heads off into the woods.
Yay deadite cam! uh oh crazy girl, watch out for that treeeeeeee! Its kinda rapey.
I didn’t know the girl from ‘The Ring’ would be making an appearance in this flick.
Now crazy girl is back with her friends, everyone is safe and sound… or are they?
Oh no four eyes, are you seeing terrible things to come through your creepy ass book that no one seems to mind you spending all your time with?
Now crazy girl has gone extra loco after an encounter with a pervy trees and has found herself a shot gun. “You’re all going to die tonight!” she announces.
Just thought you ought to know I guess.
Ok, so crazy needs a time out in the basement. Whats this chicks name again? Henrietta?
Wanna explain whats going on to the rest of the group nerd-miser? An ancient Evil you say?
Hey, one of the other girls has been gone a while- Any one else wanna watch face off suddenly?
After some gory gruesome and the god like bonding powers of duct tape, our twenty somethings are not having a good time dealing with the evil dead and their do-it-yourslef-body-
Ok glasses, by all reasoning, you shouldn’t be alive, but I guess some sort of exposition needs to be delivered between gore lettings. SO your still around.
And now the moment you’ve been waiting for… Something got into my hand, and it went bad, so lobed it off at the … upper arm?
Ok, come on, duct tape is amazing and all, but it will not fix this problem. Oh no, shes gone deadite anyway! Well at least shes been- disarmed! Yuk Yuk. -And now its becoming more like a teen horror, every one is getting nailed.
Will fake Ash be able to avoid getting psyched out by the evil dead and save his cursed sister?
Will anyone survive this movie?
Will Bruce make a cameo?
Guess you’ll have to watch to find out.
Final Fright: Basement Creeper
There aren’t any spiders or clowns, but they did a pretty good job of rounding up all the basic human fears. It’s not the Evil Dead that we all knew and yet it’s awesome in many different ways. I personally like the campy-ness of the original, but this one is definitely a classic horror contender. It is well done, if not terribly well written, and a super fun cabin in the wood movie. A great watch for any avid horror hound.
Four Claws Up!
Until next time, unpleasant screams,