Review: Army of Darkness

     Todays tacky terror is ‘Army of Darkness’
     So this review will probably be a little bit biased since Army of Darkness is my favorite movie ever. This movie has a fantastic balance of funny and scary, something I think more movies should take into account. Breaking up the intensity of the horrifying with a little humor is great devise in my opinon.

     This is the third installment of the Evil Dead series- well, technically the second, seeing as how ‘Evil Dead’ two is a remake of ‘Evil Dead,’ but I digress.
     ‘My name is Ash and I’m a slave,’ does an opening get much better? Our hero is locked in portable stocks that somehow are able to trap his handless hand.
     Incase you wanted to know what you missed in evil dead one, two, and the basics of the necronomicon, they are going to recap both for you. Minus Ted Rami’s Henrietta and the infamous tree scene… not going in to more explanation there. Still gotta watch one and two for those jewels.
     Any who, were going back to origins of the evil dead by droping our B horror story in the middle of a renaissance fair! Yay, ye old deadites. Worst place for our crass loud mouthed hero to end up.
     Loving the visible crash pads Ash falls upon in front of Sam Raimi’s old 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88dubbed  “The Classic.”
     Anyway, ‘To The Pit!’ They’re dropping prisoners into the deadite infested depths.
     Wait for it… wait for it… and … The first victime is converted into a blood geyser spraying way more blood than one human body could possibly hold. Looks like they’re trying to give the lawnmower scene in ‘Dead Alive’ a run for its Guinness Book World Record, for most fake blood used in a single scene.
     Uh oh, Ash is in the pit and theres a Deadite, luckily he has a lot of experience fighting these creatures. However, even with his stellar three stooges like fighting style, he is still getting sucker punched and tossed around like a ‘Bugs Bunny’ character. Thankfully the ‘wiseman’ has the foresight to give Ash (The Strange One) back his chainsaw hand.
     Time to display Ash’s general badness with a few words of wisdom from his trusty ‘Boom stick.’
     Now Ash is living it up like the irresponsible jack ass with too much admiration that he is. Just the calm before the storm bucause it’s time to go on a quest!
     Luckily Ash’s handicap is easily fixed with a little use of modern technology. Of course a store clerk is able to create a working cyborg hand…. why not? Wish you paid more attention in high school chem class, right?
     Now its time for a visit form the heron of this story. This poor primitive beauty has no chance against Ash’s asshole charms. ‘Gimme some sugar baby.’
     Lets get that Necronomicon. Now make sure you get the words right, ‘Klaatu verata nicto.’ Now armed with the magic words he will find the book and get back to his own time period.
     Oh man its a long journey and our hero’s once again been found by the Deadite Cam! Quick, take refuge in the abandoned windmill infested with brownies, I mean tiny Bruce Campbel’s. Now enjoy the Guliver-esque mayhem.
     What? Two Ash’s? Because one just wasn’t enough awesome. Ones good Ash, ones bad Ash, and well – good, bad, the one with the gun wins.
     Now, on to the cemetery to find the dreaded Necronomicon so Ash can get back to working at S-mart in his own time. Ash say’s the magic words, ‘Klaatu verata… necktie,’ and is on his way.
     Back to the castle. Everything’s alright. Wait the Deadites are rising and they want the book back? How can that be? Ash did everything right… or did he? The undead insurgence, preparing to attack the castle, is led by none other than Evil Ash!
     Will Ash stop the undead from taking over everything?
     Will a high school chemistry book provide invaluable battle tactics?
     Will he make it back to his own time?
     Guess you’ll have to watch and find out.
     Final Fright: Boom Stick
      Its not a perfect movie but its perfectly awesome, full of outrageous humor, and contains some of the most classic of all cheesy horror scenes. You can’t call yourself a true Horror buff unless you have seen the Evil Dead series.
     Four Claws Up:
     Until next time, unpleasant screams,
     Kidna Styx

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