Pandora’s Guidebook to Vampires: Part VIII

 

Hello darklings, Kidna Styx here.

Welcome to part eight of Pandora’s Guidebook to Vampires. My vampire friend Pandora Grey Blackheart just had to debunk a few supernatural misconceptions.

Garlic

I love garlic. Despite the terrible smell one acquires when eating Italian food, garlic is good for the hair, heart, and skin.

It also cleanses impurities in the blood. Therein lies the vampire’s problem. What is vampire blood but a massive impurity? True, I can’t eat it as much as I did when I was human. It burns a bit, but to be repelled by it? Someone would have to force feed me garlic by the handful. Honestly, that would repel anyone.

The actual effect garlic has on vampires is not in the smell, but in the consumption, and it’s certainly not lethal. Garlic is our equivalent of jalapeños, or that crazy hot sauce your uncle loves to eat that’ll eventually give him ulcers.

Quick aside, why do guys like hot stuff so much? I think it has something to do with it making them cry. As men, they feel like they aren’t allowed to cry unless they eat something hot or have something heavy fall on them. Maybe it’s their way of cleansing the unused tear ducts… Who knows?

Anywho, my point is that yes, garlic burns away vamp blood cells, but the effect is no worse than hot sauce.

Personally, I kinda like a little garlic burn.

 

Advice

Hanging out in Italian joints to avoid vampires will be about as helpful as hanging out in goth clubs. While vampires do not prefer these places, it does not mean you won’t find one there.

However, if you are an avid garlic lover, eating about a clove of garlic a day will get into your blood enough to deter an interested vampire. The garlic, having been broken down into your blood, will effectively get into our system upon feeding. As opposed to imbibing it ourselves in raw form which usually passes through us without much harm. So this will work if you want to hurt a vampire—of course, that means you have to let one bite you. But usually, they and likely everyone around you, will have smelled it on you first. Regardless, you will have one unhappy vampire who’ll be avoiding your garlic-eating butt like the plague.

Another bonus, garlic is really good for you, so I’m sure your doctor will thank you, if not your girlfriend or neighbors.


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