Pandora’s Guidebook to Vampires: Part I


Hello Darklings, Kidna Styx here.

Here’s a little tidbit from my vampire friend Pandora Grey Blackheart. She felt like she just had to set you straight on a few supernatural misconceptions.

So here it is, straight from the vampire’s pen, the first part of Pandora’s Guidebook to Vampires… 

Pandora Grey BlackheartThat’s right, I’m a Vampire. Okay, I know what you’re thinking, but before you get all Nosferatu on me, just hear what I’ve got to say. As you’ve probably guessed, I can’t stand sunlight, I have fangs, and I drink blood. The bare minimum required to be a Vampire. However, as many tales suppose, I don’t cringe at the sight of crosses, turn to ash in daylight, get burned by silver, sparkle, or live in a castle on top of a barren mountain surrounded by dark storm clouds.

Still with me?

Okay then.

My name is Pandora Grey Blackheart. I know, with a name like that I’m not surprised I got turned into a Vampire either. Being born in the 60’s, my parents literally were hippies. When my mother dubbed me Pandora, she was rebelling against her own name, Mary—the most common female name in history.

I looked it up.

To say my friends are eclectic would be a gross understatement. My best friend is a werewolf. My brother is a zombie. And the one human friend we have is just waiting for me to turn him. Yes, I know, promising to turn someone into a vampire so they will take your shift at work is unethical, but hey, I’m a vampire.

I, unlike most vampires, enjoy humans, and not just the way someone enjoys bacon. My Maker tells me that I ‘do not yet understand the ways of our world.’ Well sue me, I don’t. I believe that humans should know what they are up against.

The ‘Order,’ a group of humans and supernaturals that keep peace in our ‘Community,’ don’t want the human population to know about us. With all the strange things in this world, you’d think they’d have a more progressive standpoint.

However, traditions are deeply ingrained in our kind. A lifetime of hiding is not an easy thing to breed out in a society with an average lifespan of two centuries. They’re like octogenarians who keep their pantries stocked incase a world war should crop up. But instead of a war I suppose, the old vamps would be looking out for angry mobs with pitchforks or something.

Everyone’s heard stories that warn you of things that go bump in the night. Things with fangs and things with claws. But when it comes down to it, would anyone, any human, be ready to bump back? Sure, it would take some time to get over the initial shock. It’s not easy to think you’re the most powerful beings on earth and be proven wrong, but humans will adapt… eventually. There have been enough movies about vampires and zombies, ghosts and the Boogieman, (whose real name is Irwin). I’m sure they wouldn’t all freak out. We’d just have to correct a few misconceptions, put down a couple rules, and we could all live together. Of course I’ve seen how well that worked on True Blood, but come on, that show, although awesome, is kinda ridiculous.

I know not everything is peace, love, and daisies, but people should at least have a fighting chance. They may disregard things they don’t understand, but pieces of it would cling to the subconscious. Hopefully the important pieces, like knowing that gnomes will drop almost any attack for a Snickers Bar or that any shiny object can easily distract a fairy. So, if a person happens to run into one of these beings, they would have that much more chance of surviving the encounter.

This is why my little guide to, is specifically about vampires. Figured I would start by writing what I know. Now you too will be able to spot a blood sucker, should you come in contact with one. I mean the odds of that are are like 1 in 1000, there are a lot of you humans. But you small few will be grateful for this heads up. Forewarned is forearmed and all that.

Then again, maybe I’m just idealistic. Probably one of the reasons I get in trouble so often.


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