Pandora’s Guide to Vampires: Part III

Hello darklings, Kidna Styx here.

Here’s a little tidbit straight from the pen of my vampire friend Pandora Grey Blackheart, the third part of Pandora’s Guidebook to Vampires:

Welcome to part three of my supernatural guide. Everyone’s heard stories that warn of things that go bump in the night—things with fangs and things with claws. but when it comes down to it, would anyone, any human, be ready to bump back? They may disregard things they don’t understand, but pieces of it would cling to the subconscious. So if a person happens to run into one of these beings, they would have that much more chance of surviving the encounter.

This little guide is specifically about vampires. Figured I would write what I know. Now you too will be able to spot a bloodsucker should you come in contact with one. I mean the odds of that are like 1 in 1000, there’s a lot of you humans. But you small few will be grateful for this heads up. Forewarned is forearmed and all that.


It’s true that we heal rapidly, and I’m happy for it because healing sucks. It takes forever when you’re human. Once, in my late teens, I sprained my knee and couldn’t walk for a month. If I sprain something now, the pain is gone before you can say “What pothole?” and I’m up and around.

When a vampire breaks a bone, it’s almost as though his or her body knows what configuration it should be in. So instead of the normal human healing process of swelling, vampire muscles contract and force the bones back into their original position. Strangely enough it only seems to take a few minutes for this to happen—depending on whether the bone was cleanly broken or crushed.

Regardless, it’s a pretty unpleasant sensation. Even as a vampire, pain is something I try to avoid. When things are severed, there is a grace period of about a week where you can have the limb reattached, and then it takes about an hour to fully reconnect all the tendons, bones, and muscles.

Pretty spiff considering the alternative.

If the body part is not reconnected, it goes into stasis and a new arm or hand begins to regrow. The head is tricky though. This is usually the first thing you do to kill a vamp because it puts them out of commission for a long time. If severed, you have to put it back in place and bind it. It won’t heal for upwards of 10 years though. Best to bury it so no one disturbs the process.

As for cuts, our blood is thick and strong, like super glue strong, and once it dries lacerations practically heal before your eyes.

If you injure a vampire badly enough, you may have time to get away. But not long. So if you attack, make it a good one.

Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply